Something that's broken can't be repaired
by On The Verge Of Being Broken
Summary: \\Blood. With each step she took, every movement, it hit the ground. It followed her, leaving a trail behind. A trail that she couldn't cover up. But she didn't care. She just wanted to get away./ RATED M: Rape. Semi-Dark til Dark. Read at own Risk. Can turn into two-shot. For the moment One-shot.


_**I don't own Mortal Instruments. Cassandra Clare does.**_

_**This is Dark. And rated M so go away if you don't feel comfortable.**_

_**Read at own risk.**_

* * *

Blood.

With each step she took, every movement, it hit the ground.

It followed her, leaving a trail behind. A trail that she couldn't cover up. But she didn't care. She just wanted to get away.

She sat down in the bathroom, watching the blood hit the ground. It was like the ground called the crimson red. She watched and listened to the sound of it.

_Drip Drip Drip_

It hypnotized her, seeing the rhythm; the wound, blood, ground, wound, blood, ground...

It still wasn't enough. She grabbed her razor covered in the blood, placed at her arm and slash. The rhythm became faster but now she didn't let herself loose in the red of her body: she looked at her arm or more precisely at the wounds she kept making. She felt herself getting dizzy but she didn't care.

**_1 Cut for the false love._**

Nothing was worse than being used and thrown away they say. No, she didn't believe what people said. Nothing was worse than what she had experienced.

Nothing was worse than being used and used all over again. Her father used her. And abused her. Even when there was nothing to use or abuse.

The love he showed wasn't real, it was false. He didn't love her because she was part of him and his wife. He didn't love her because she was his daughter. He didn't love her for her body.

He loved her for the satisfaction she gave him unwillingly.

* * *

_"Clarissa! Come here." Valentine screamed for his 15-year old daughter. He was in his chamber ready to go sleeping._

_"Yes Father?" she asked looking nervous. She knew she did something wrong; She lied towards her parents because she wanted to go out with her boyfriend. It was not a little lie._

_"What did your Mother and I told you about lying." He asked calm. Never a good sign, she thought. It's like sun before the rain. What she did didn't know was that her mother had a night shift and that there was a sleepover with the friends of her brother's.. They were the only ones in the house and He took advantage of that fact.  
_

_"It is not tolerated in this house, I know I know bu-" She started but was cut of by him._

_"But what Clarissa? But I wanted to fuck my boyfriend? Because I was a whore?" His voice becoming louder and louder, he saw the way that they looked at each other, the boy looked like whatever she did, it would give him satisfaction. The satisfaction she should give him!_

_"We didn't do anything! I'm not a whore! I'm still a V-" But she didn't finish that. Her throat was cut of by his big hands. He slapped her._

_"Oh you're still a virgin. Then this will be even better." He said pushing her on the bed. When she start struggling he would kick her. He holds her wrist in an iron grip with only one hand. With the other her started to undress her. First her jacket, second her t-shirt, third her shorts, last her underwear._

_"Father! Stop!" She had tears streaming down her face while screaming at her dad._

_"Shut up! we're not even started and you're already screaming!" with those words he took of his pants and underwear._

_"Fat-" But she cut herself off with a scream as Valentine pushed himself inside her. _

_It was the first of many. She lost her virginity to her Father. No not her Father, she lost it to Valentine because after what happened she didn't saw the stern yet protective father she saw his true kind, so she started with his true name._

* * *

**_1 Cut for not being good enough._**

Whatever she did it was never good enough.

She did everything in her power to let her parents stop arguing.

Everything a parent could ever want from her daughter. She even did it towards Valentine. He used to be the only thing that her Mother would smile about.

But it appears she wasn't good enough for her Mother, she wasn't good enough as a daughter.

* * *

_"Who the fuck do you think you are?!" Valentine screamed at Mother. Neither of them knew the presence of 16-year old Clarissa_

_"Jocelyn Fairchild!" She said her maiden name instead of his last name._

_"No you're Jocelyn Morgenstern and you belong to me!" _

_"I'm no ones property! Not yours not any bodies!" She yelled back. _

_"Even not from Garroway?! Yeah I saw you sneaking back home late a week ago!" She was lost for words a couple of seconds but she put herself together and spoke,_

_"I'm property of those who love me and those who I love. Not yours." She went to the living room and took a bunch of papers._

_"Sign this!" She demanded. It were __divorce papers: Why Mother. Valentine use to be the reason of your smile?! I wanted to scream._

_"What kind of mother are you? You leave your two precious children behind for one man." He tried to put guilt on her so she would stay._

_"With him I would have better children. Not a daughter who disobeys me, she won't be arguing with her brother!" She said while holding a hand on her stomach. It went unnoticed by Valentine but Clary saw it. She would be replaced. She wasn't good enough. Not good enough for her mother. No not her Mother she wasn't good enough for Jocelyn. That same day Jocelyn walked out with two bags of clothes'._

* * *

**_1 Cut for trusting._**

She still couldn't believe it. Her friend that pushed her unknowing through hard times, the abuse, her annoying brother, the rape, the divorce...

She couldn't believe it, the one person she trusted was just playing a game and it started before she was ready to begin.

Her friend was a demon pretending to be an angel.

You know what's the worst of all? The demon won the game, It cheated its way to the top.

People were wrong. The good doesn't win from the evil. Evil is more powerful than one can imagine.

* * *

_"Did you hear about Clarissa the Freak?" Kaelie asked Isabelle. They were in the school's toilets adjusting their make-up._

_"I hear a lot of things. She still thinks I'm her BFF. Uggh such a loser. When can I stop playing the game?" Isabelle asked her friends._

_"The day she learns to stop flirting with our boyfriends. Seriously you would think they would want; Hot sexy and Skinny with some brains. Not fat and dumb." Aline spoke for the first time in the conversation._

_"Oh she's skinny." Isabelle said. "But the sick twisted way like she's on anorexia or something." They laughed at those words._

_"But serious now how can she get the attention of our boys!" Kaelie exclaimed._

_"She's virgin duh!" Isabelle said. _

_"So..."_

_"The boys always try to be first to take someones virginity." Aline filled in for her lost friend._

_"I don't think she's a virgin." Kaelie surprisingly said._

_"Why?" _

_"I dare to bet that she's a prostitute." They all laughed at her. At Fray the Freak. The trio exited the toilets spreading the rumor of her being a prostitute.  
_

_But what they didn't know was the their Freak of 16 was hiding in the toilets that day. Crying. But after the conversation she just heard she cried even more._

* * *

**_1 Cut for the betrayal._**

One friend losing was almost breaking her but she knew she had another friend. This friend was the one she knew since kindergarten before everything happened. He was the one that was standing there ready to catch the fallen girl.

He was the one that wasn't affected by the rumors. But she didn't see that he was ashamed of being her friend. She was a charity case to him. To make him look good.

She hadn't noticed it until that faithful day when he dropped her out of his arms. The day he went cheating on her with the enemy.

* * *

_"Hey Lewis. How was your gamersnight? Finally beaten Eric?" She asked him when she saw him. He was with his back turned to her. When he turned to see her she predicted something was going on._

_"Clary I didn't go to the Game night I went to Izzy's." They were dating but she didn't know until then._

_"Why? We don't talk to Isabelle." Clarissa stopped talking to her after the conversation sh eavesdropped in the toilets._

_"Well we weren't talking exactly..." He mumbled but she still heard it._

_"Oh.." She trailed of. She felt betrayed._

_"Yes and we didn't talk in the evening we did in the morning..." He waited a couple of minutes before continuing._

_"She said we had to stop seeing each other. I first said no but after some considering I realized..." He stopped to take a breath._

_"I realized you were just my charity case. All what I did I did it because I pity you. I realized that this friendship is more one-sided like you don't do anything for me. You don't come over, you never listened to my friends, never even played a game with me. All you ever do is complaining. And-" _

_"You're really doing this.." She whispered. It was her greatest fear losing someone who is close by her._

_"Yeah I can't live a life where all I hear is 'Look there's freaky's friend.' 'And why do you even stay by her, Oh yeah that's right because you are also a freak an-"_

_"So this is all for your reputation." She asked her voice still weak.  
_

_"No I'm doing this for myself. and you should be happy I don't tell anyone what happening at home. Well that is for as long you stay away from me." He threatened with my darkest secret. My friend since Kindergarten dropped me for a girl who was on her feet already walking away from him._

* * *

_**1 Cut for being stupid.**_

She was stupid thinking he would believe her. Her brother didn't believe what she said.

She was on the nerve of breaking and she needed a ground to collapse on, so she turned toward her only hope; Her brother.

He can be annoying, stupid and a bully. But she thought he could care, that he would care. She knew he cared for his girlfriends.

She couldn't keep it all to herself, she told him. He didn't believe in her. But who would?

* * *

_It was late in the evening when she looked for hope. Valentine was away. She was alone with he brother. _

_'knock knock' She knocked on his bedroom, nervous about what's going to happen._

_"Come in." He looked like he expected someone to come over._

_"Since when do you knock on my door?" He said sarcastically._

_"Only when I'm nervous." she admitted to him._

_"Why are you nervous?" He asked._

_"I have to tell you something..." She trailed off._

_He groaned. "Don't tell me you're pregnant by your boyfriend and that I have to announce it to Dad!" He warns. He didn't even notice that he broke up with her after the rumors and that was a more than a year ago.  
_

_"No it's over for a long time." She announced to him._

_"Why did you come than?" _

_She said everything that she could say without crying. When a tear escaped, the others followed soon but that didn't stop her from telling. _

_She didn't look up until the end and when she did, she saw that he looked disgusted and she didn't look further on his face. She thought it was because what happened with Valentine but that changed the moment his lips formed words._

_"You. Are. Crazy." He said inhaling air between the words. Now she looked for more emotions and saw the one emotion she was scared of. Disbelief.__  
_

_"Bb-bbu-" She was stopped by the words of her brother._

_"Izzy was right you're an attention seeking bitch!" He yelled. She saw him take breath for another insult but right then the doorbell went. He went out his room without looking to her and yelled behind his shoulder._

_"Out my room, bitch!" With the conversation fresh in her memory, she went to her room. She collapsed on her bed and the tears were streaming down her cheeks, they were for the words he yelled to her, for the happening that occurs every night, but mostly for being stupid that anyone would believe her._

_"hihhih" She heard giggling. Normally she didn't pay attention to who her brother brought home, but it sounded familiar so she looked outside her room and saw the black hair._

_Isabelle had her claws in her best friend and her brother_

* * *

**_1 Cut for being naïve._**

He was like an angel to her. He picked her up from the place she fell and held her in his arms. He cared for her.

Or so she thought.

He was like everyone else but still she fell for him. For his charms, for his jokes, for seeming not to care for the rumors, for just him. Non more non less.

She should have know he wanted something from her. He was like everyone else like we said.

But it were the moments that would make her happy. When she met him, she was already cutting her skin but less deep and also less times.

She still remembered when she met him.

* * *

_"Jonathan Wayland." The teacher introduced him the the class. _

_She was sitting on the third of the six line sitting alone on the right. Close enough for the teacher to see when Isabelle decides to torture her. Far enough to avoid the questions of her teacher. She didn't look up from her drawing._

_"Go sit there." It was then she looked up. She knew there were 36 seats and 35 were used of them. Only one place available, the seat next to her. _

_While he walked towards her she put her drawing away. When she looked back up he was standing right before her_

_"Hey," He shot her a smile, she bet he expected her to fall in his arms, that didn't happen. "I'm Jace."_

_"Clarissa Fray." She responded. Not the reaction he expected from her oblivious. He expected her to give him her number._

_"So Clary..."_

_"My name is Clarissa..." I said._

_"No that name is way to long for the modern time! I'm going to call you Clary! and Clary w__ho are you in a battle with?" He asked her. _

_He laughed when he saw her froze._

_"Wh-What d-do you mean." Her voice turned steady at the end. 'Could he know?' She thought panicked_

_"Well your last name is Fray and a synonym for that words is a battle or combat if you use it as noun. And admit everyone is fighting something..." He trailed of waiting for an answer._

_"Well.. I think... I think...that.. I'm fighting myself?..." And with my answer, silence followed. It was funny this was the first time someone asked me something and the first I answered truthfully._

* * *

She still remembered how he would stand up for her.

* * *

_"Look the bitch is here again." Isabelle and her crew laughed at her. She was on the verge of crying. _

_They had called her names. Had made up rumors. Laughed at her. But now what they did was awful._

_On her locker they hang up a mirror. On that mirror there were all words written down on in all other handwriting, all of those words were insults._

_"Ow Is wittle waby gonna wry?" Kaelie teased her. Clary never cried in front of her bullies. It's the number one rule of live; never show weakness._

_Jace was just around the corner when he heard what Kaelie said. He looked at her, Isabelle and Aline and then at the mirror._

_'KRACK' Echoed trough the halls._

_"There the mirror is broken so the insults are broken, and something that's broken is not something you can't use. Something that's broke can't be repaired, am I right or am I right?" Jace, who broke the mirror, said. He placed his arm around her waist and pulled her close to him. They walked away. She with a smile on her face, she had a friend again._

* * *

She stopped cutting since that day, after 3 or 4 days later he asked her out.

She still remembered how he asked her out.

* * *

_"Hey Clary." He said when he took his seat besides her. She looked up from her drawing to see him. He was as breath taking like always. Golden curls with some dark-gold. Honey-colored eyes that looked as deep as the sea. She gets always lost in them. He has a tanned skin with a muscular build. It was the guy every girl would dream off._

_While she stared at him he took her drawing._

_"Hey give that back!" She demanded him._

_"Hmm, you're getting better I have to admit. Do you need a nude model?" She shook my head. "Ow if you need one call me." He was trying to distract her from her drawing._

_"So still not going to give it back?" She asked._

_"Nope." So she spent the whole lesson trying to get it back. The second last lesson of the day she still didn't have it. This was the only lesson she didn't have him._

_After the lesson she went to the lockers only to find Jace standing there with her drawing._

_"Here."_

_"Don't tell me you drew over it."_

_"Wellllll..." He said trailing of. At that word she looked at the folded drawing and she unfolded it. It was her drawing perfectly intact. She turned the paper and saw in a curly handwriting; 'Would you like to go on a date with me?' Under the words he drew a little envelop with a seal. On the seal there was a J. presses._

_"Yes." She said without hesitation and threw her arms around him._

* * *

She let him in. He defeated the walls that were around her. There was were it went wrong.

She still remembered how it all fell apart, of course she would remember it! It happened this morning. It started good and ended badly.

* * *

_It was their 2 month anniversary and he took her on a date. It went amazing. The went picnicking under the moon with candles._

_Now they were right before his door from his dorm. Valentine went away for the weekend and she stayed with Jace. He still didn't know about the use and abuse from Valentine._

_He leaned in and she went up, their lips crashed together hungry._

_"Clare, I need you..." He said. They didn't do anything yet except cuddling._

_"Me too." He started pulling her clothes of and she did the same. He pushed her against the wall and after some making out he dragged her to bed._

_He was gently, he made love to her. He kissed her the whole time when she cried. The school still thought she was a virgin minus the ones who think she's a prostitute. Yes she was crying but not out pain, she was crying about how careful he was, how loving. She was crying of surprise that somebody wanted her._

_That night she said the words she thought she would never experience. __She decided she would give him a part that wasn't taken anymore from her. He retrieved it when she though she lost it. He retrieved the love she thought she had lost._

_"I love you.." And she fell asleep. He mumbled something and laughed a little. He said it back!, she went to sleep with that thought in her head._

_The next morning she though she would be woken up by the sunlight. But she was woken up by the phone. She didn't open her eyes, she wanted to sleep._

_"...worked. She fell in love." She heard and with her eyes still closed she listened to the conversation._

_"Yeah it was harder than usual. This one was a hard nut to crack let me tell you that." She felt how he sat on the mattress._

_"Tomorrow was the deal! you give me 15 bucks tomorrow; I succeeded." Please let it be someone else._

_"No I took Clarissa Fray's Virginity. So shut the fuck up!" She was worth 15 bucks. Was the first thought that went through her bed._

_"No I didn't fell for her! Who the hell do you think I am!?" He screamed through the phone. She decided that if she didn't 'wake up' after that it would be strange so she stirred a little._

_"She wakes up got to go." He whispered into the phone. The second thought; It was all a bet._

_"Hey beautiful." He whispered into my ear. Third thought; This is all fake. He never loved me._

_"How late is it." I questioned hoarse._

_"7.30." He said turning around to put the blankets on her. _

_"I'm going home." She announced and started to get dressed. He didn't even stop her. He let her go. He left her to cry there_

* * *

There were only two people who were left to care for her; Magnus and Alec

Magnus was there to talk. Alec was there to listen. But that only could happen if she wanted to burden them.

They were happy with each other. Each day she saw them together they were looking at each other like they fell all over again.

They knew a couple of things you just can't hide. They'll eventually knew about the divorce, about the bullying and Simon & Isabelle's betrayal. But that was it.

They were the only two that cared for her.

All those things led her to this moment.

Before Jace;

2 people to care for her.

5 people to hurt her.

5 times of crying.

The 5 times + The 5 evil - The 2 good.

8 deep cuts. She lost a large amount of blood since she didn't let the wounds recover.

After Jace;

2 people to care for her.

6 people to hurt her.

7 times of crying.

3 destroying thoughts.

The 7 times + The 6 evil + 3 thoughts - The 2 good.

14 cuts. This time she lost more blood. Because she did the 14 everywhere on her body.

She placed the blade on the sink and walked towards the living room.

She took her favorite drawing she ever made. It was a girl falling into an endless ravine, she was wearing a black long dress that was flying around her. There were ribbons lose, they were flying around her. She turned it and took a pen.

_Valentine._

_Don't go to hell. I'm sure I'm going to there and I don't want to see you there._

_Jocelyn._

_I'm not sure you would ever see this but to let me have the satisfaction._

_Why was I not enough. I don't care you left Valentine but why wasn't I good enough to take along?_

_Isabelle._

_What did I ever do to you?_

_Simon._

_I hope your reputation was worth letting me fall._

_Jonathan._

_Through hard times siblings help each other. You could have helped me by believing._

_Jace._

_I loved you but I was not more than 15 bucks to you._

_Something that's broke can't be repaired you're right._

_To everyone._

_I forgive you all but these were the last things I wanted to says_

_Magnus._

_You were there to talk. To give me rest when I was stressed._

_Alec._

_You were there to listen. I knew but I didn't took the opportunity. _

_Magnus and Alec._

_I'm sorry. I hope I burn in hell for bringing you this pain. I love you. Yes present time because the present lasts longer then the past and future._

_You guys can have everything._

_Sorry I didn't want to burd-_

Further she couldn't go.

She fell dead on the floor. Not a single movement.

Before her lay her favorite drawing and her death note. While she wrote some blood fell on the paper.

It was sealed by blood.

Covered in a promise to love the ones who took care for her forever.

* * *

_**I can make a two-shot of it. Like the reactions and the answers from the others.**_


End file.
